My First Rwandan Wedding

On Saturday 20^th November, I had been invited to the wedding of a local Headteacher (Leandre) that I have met several times since I arrived in Rwanda. I was very excited to have been invited and keen to experience all that a Rwandan wedding would have to offer; I certainly wasn’t disappointed!

I knew that Rwandan women wear a traditional dress called a mishanana to weddings and Leandre was keen for me to wear one too. I had found a shop in Kibungo on Wednesday that sold the special cloth and a tailor who had agreed to sew the skirt part for me. I found it reasonably tricky to walk in, as I am not used to wearing anything of floor length, but the local people seemed delighted that I was wearing a dress from their culture!

My mishanana!

I had been told by other volunteers that Rwandan weddings are very long (taking up the whole day) and you don’t get fed! This worried me greatly, so I got up early to eat a big breakfast before departure and snuck some sweets and a bottle of water into my bag. Cathy (my housemate who was also invited) did the same and by half past 7, we were very full and glad of the loose floaty cloth of our mishananas! Leandre had asked us to be ready by 7.40am (which ended up being 8.15am Rwandan time) and had insisted he would pick us up in a car. He had explained that we had to travel to his house first, then to the house of his bride-to-be and then to a place called ‘Kazo’, where the Dowry ceremony would take place.

Before long, we arrived at the home of Epiphanie – his fiancé and we were welcomed by the many women standing outside. As we were led into the living room and my eyes adjusted from the bright sunshine outside, I was greatly surprised to see many people sitting with huge bowls of Rwandan ‘melange’ on their laps, happily spooning rice, plantain and beans into their mouths. The moment I sat down, a steaming piled-high bowl was given to me too and I realised that my huge breakfast had been a huge mistake!

Once I had eaten as much as I possibly could and the other guests had polished off their platefuls, it was time to depart for the Dowry ceremony. This is where the family of the bride are given a cow as they are ‘giving away’ their daughter. Cathy and I clambered into our seats in the women’s mini-bus and were soon clapping away happily, taking our lead from all the women who were singing songs about marriage. All the women were so full of life and clearly had their favourite songs that they kept singing throughout the journey. Just as I was beginning to work out the sounds in some of the kinyarwandan words in the songs, we turned into what truly was a plantain jungle and began trundling slowly up a real dirt track. As we came around a corner, I could see a bamboo fence surrounding some kind of marquee. I asked Robert – Leandre’s brother, who was acting as our translator – if this was where the dowry was, to which he replied, “No, the dowry’s grazing over there” (gesturing to a nearby field with a cow in it!)

The dowry ceremony, as I should correctly call it, was fantastic to watch. Friends and family of the bride and groom were seated on separate sides of a marqueed ‘arena’ inside the bamboo fence. Leandre and his ‘best men’ were dressed in animal skin cloth, wearing long banana leaf shoes and carrying a special stick. They were all sitting at the back of the marquee and I was yet to see the bride! Much of the ceremony was taken up with debates between the two families about why Epiphanie would be a good wife and Leandre a good husband. Eventually there was some hustle and bustle and the dowry itself was brought in – a large Friesian cow, who seemed very happy chomping on the hay that it was given and took the huge fuss very much in its stride. Two women and a man in traditional dress walked up to the cow and began stroking it, blessing it and singing to it for a very long time. I was quite spellbound by the whole process and have never taken as many photos of a cow in my life!

When the cow was finally led away, Leandre and his ‘best men’ walked into the arena, presented Leandre’s father-in-law to be with a black cowboy hat and took their seats in the centre of the arena to wait for the bride. Her arrival was preceded by some fantastic Rwandan dancing and a procession of men with spears who gave Leandre a brown cloak that matched the dark brown outfit Epiphanie was wearing. As the couple sat together on wicker chairs, ladies in pink mishananas brought them milk and plates of food. Before I knew it, I was also presented with an aeroplane-style foil container containing, yes – more food! This time meat was on the menu, but the people sitting next to me were very happy to take it off my hands and I was happy with the plantain and peas, still full from the two enormous meals I had eaten earlier!

Soon after the meal, the ceremony came to a close and I stepped outside into the sweltering midday heat. There was no shade and a lot of people to organise before we could make our way to the church, but after trying my best to explain that I could not stand in the sun without burning, I was thankfully allowed to wait on the bus. As we set off for the church in Kibungo, the women once again began to sing songs of marriage, even more excitedly than before, banging on the side of the bus and raising their voices whenever we passed by houses. The difference on this journey was that I had a little girl called Angie on my lap, who then became my shadow for the rest of the day! Not to be outdone, her much younger sister had soon squeezed herself onto Cathy’s lap, making for rather a warm bus journey!

The big white wedding ceremony was held in a Catholic Church and lasted about two hours. Epiphanie and Leandre had changed into what we would think of as traditional wedding outfits. There was a fantastic choir, who began by singing what seemed to me to be quite serious songs, but became more joyful as the service went on. Straight after the service, we were told that there would be official photographs. I managed to take a couple of snap shots myself!

One more short bus ride, including several laps of the roundabout in Kibungo with horns beeping in celebration, took us to the final location of the day. A reception was held in the hall of a local private primary school. Embarrassingly, Cathy and I were led to seats at the very front of the hall, even though we had tried our best to slip in and sit on the benches at the back. There were a huge number of people present and, once again, everyone was fed! This time my aeroplane style container held a boiled egg, a bread roll and a banana. I managed to eat the latter two with my shadow on my lap; a shadow who was very glad of a second boiled egg, especially one which had been peeled for her! There was more amazing dancing as we ate (unfortunately it was too dark by this time for my camera to catch it properly), speeches were made and the bride and groom were presented with some traditional gifts by the dancers (including a milk jug and a spear), before they were given gifts from the wedding guests.

After giving our gift, thanking Leandre and Epiphanie for a wonderful day and excusing ourselves from the party at the groom’s house that was to follow, Cathy and I began the short walk back to our house, hitching up our mishananas to try and keep them out of the dust as we walked! Our clothes meant that we caused even more interest and amusement than we usually do! But we walked purposefully as we were both looking forward to a shower (happily – the water was working!) and our beds after a long, but very enjoyable day.